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STAR WARS SPOILERS!

 
Posted July 21st, 2014 @ 8:52am

Yesterday, the website BadAssDigest dropped what MIGHT be some SPOILERS for "Star Wars 7".

Back in the pre-Internet days, we would probably just call these PLOT DETAILS, and nobody would give a crap if they knew them in advance or not. 

 

But since everybody's so insane about spoilers these days, we'd better warn you: DO NOT READ ON if you want to go into "Star Wars 7" a completely blank slate.

 

The website seems to know quite a bit about the story, but even they didn't reveal EVERYTHING. Here's what they did give us:

 

The movie starts with the trademark text scrolling up the screen. Then we see a SEVERED HAND floating through space, gripping a light saber.

 

The hand falls to a desert planet where it's discovered by the movie's main characters. They're played by John Boyega and Daisy Ridley. 

 

They recognize the light saber as a "Jedi relic", and decide they have to return it to whoever it belongs to.

 

This sets them on a quest to another world, where they meet up with Han Solo and Chewbacca. They're no longer piloting the Millennium Falcon, but the website won't say WHAT they're doing.

 

Han and Chewie recognize the light saber as Luke Skywalker's. Turns out they haven't seen him in 30 years, since the events of "Return of the Jedi". So the movie then becomes a quest to find Luke.

 

Meanwhile, on an ice planet, evil forces are building a super weapon that could destroy entire solar systems.

 

And . . . that's all we get. Someone Tweeted the author of the article and asked if it was Luke's real hand or the mechanical one he got after Darth Vader cut off the other hand, but the guy refused to say.

 

The author probably ignored the question because the guy had his facts wrong. Vader never cut off Luke's mechanical hand. Luke lost his hand to Vader in "The Empire Strikes Back" . . . but then he cuts off VADER'S hand in "Return of the Jedi".

 

As for the two main characters, if you're thinking they're the children of Han and Princess Leia, you're probably at least HALF WRONG . . . because John Boyega is BLACK.

 

Although maybe Leia TOLD Han she was having his son, and when the kid came out black, he left her and went off to beat Lando Calrissian's ass. That's the "Star Wars 7" I wanna see.

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